canadianslut: I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this
haithinkimfunny: queenestelle: gothist: GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS at least you get accepted no matter what that’s the most uplifting thing i’ve seen all day
Michael: A matter of land, Mom?
Lucille: Oh that's funny, I meant a matter of 'l and d', life and death.
Michael: What's the matter of life and death?
Lucille: Buster's jaw clicks when he eats.
c00kiedough: sleeping in an oversized hoodie seems like a good idea until its 2am and it feels like you’re taking a bath with satan
eunuchorns: the only classical music you’ve ever heard has all been cover versions just think about that for a while
Things I never thought I would say
me: "Twerk" is not one of our spelling words.
eridone: why would anyone not believe dinosaurs existed when all of the evidence is right in front of you
Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!
nayx: being a virgin is ok sex isnt that great just like get some nachos instead
benedictcumberassbutt: princejei: catswithbenefits: wow fox news isn’t even about foxes cnn is oh
coolyounghip: new on netflix finally
goobsohard: The sexual tension between two people when one of them says “make me”
COSMO SEX TIP #8329
arekelly: Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.